Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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