And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
