There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
