Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
