awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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