Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
