on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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