she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
