Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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