ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
