i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
