If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
