I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
