ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
