Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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