My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
