Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
