just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
