I'm gonna have a badass scar
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
