I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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