you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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