My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
