the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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