So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you had me at cake vodka
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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