If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
