i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
