Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
