Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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