I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
