How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
