My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
