Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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