I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
