I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
