Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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