is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
