so that wasnt chicken after all
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
