Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
