p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
