He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
