I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He has the fingertips of a God
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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