the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
