TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
