Just fell off a train. Bad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
