I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
