my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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