Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
