Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
two words...techno handjob
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
