i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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