i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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