New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
