It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
