i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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