Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
