I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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