so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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