I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
