I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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