my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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