me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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