he shaved USA in his pubs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
