john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
