....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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