God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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