College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
