K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
