oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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