because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
