You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
