Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
