She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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