dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
