happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
