so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
