I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
