I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
