Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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