my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
