I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
