dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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