my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
