so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
