I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
